The annual “Taco Bell Train To Flavor” event went horribly wrong this morning as the methane flatulence of over 200 passengers was ignited by a spark from the train tracks.
The resulting blast tore through the train cars at over 100mph, burning through doors and windows with the compounded lit farts resulting from an estimated 400 pounds of Taco Bell enchiladas, burritos and tacos. “It’s a miracle nobody was killed,” said Taco Bell spokesman Mario Tartarugafrantoio, “The sheer volume of flatus that had collected in the train cars constituted a thermobaric bomb equal in potency to 12 Hiroshima explosions.”
Luckily the force of the blast was directed out the train windows and into the nearby Westboro Bapsist protesters who had come to boycott the Taco Bell event. Fred Phelps and 17 of his church members were lit aflame, much to the praise of anyone with good taste and common human decency.
photos* by peter mather in ni’iinlii’njik territorial park, an arctic oasis dead centre on the arctic circle in canada’s northwest territories. the forest resembles a coastal temperate zone due to nitrogen that finds it’s way from the dead salmon into the ecosystem. salmon literally feed the entire ecosystem, from birds, bears and wolves to moss and trees - trees which tower over anything in the surrounding stunted black spruce forest and vast tundra.
ni’iinlii’njik, which means “where salmon spawn” in gwich’in, marks the end of a 1500 mile salmon migration upriver from the pacific ocean. in 1986, the first salmon count in ni’iinlii’njik was over 350,000 fish, but in recent years has dropped as low as 9,000 due to human mismanagement. the chum salmon run this year is expected to be around 35,000. of note, the grizzly bears who feed on the salmon are known as “ice bears” for the icicles that form on their hair when hunting in temperatures that drop below minus 20 celsius.
(*is the fifth picture overhead or underwater? i’m baffled either way)